Marcia's Crochet n Poetry

It has been a while since I have crocheted.  I have had quite a bit going on in life and just haven't had the desire to work on anything.  I have to get an afghan done in a month for my new niece but haven't been able to force myself to work on it. 

This year hasn't been the greatest year for me.  In January,  I had to have some surgery that I wasn't looking forward to.  In the courses leading up to that surgery, I was feeling the need to talk to a certain friend, only to find that friend avoiding me for whatever reason.  In my needy state, I became upset.  

In March my daughter got married, we had a major snow storm and after months of careful planning the wedding just did not go over as planned.  We begged her to reschedule the date due to the storm but because my uncle flew in from Florida, she refused.  I guess something deep inside her told her that would be the one and only time she would ever meet him.   Again, I needed to talk to this friend, he wasnt there.  I sent him what I had written about my daughters wedding, but he deleted it.   I was hurt. 

I wrote something on my blog in anger intending to get frustration, hurt and anger off my mind which I often do, then delete.  I most normally write everything in my diary as I am a very private person.  But when I am really hurt or upset to the point that I want to hurt someone back in the heat of the moment, I will do it in a public display (my blog), because it gives me a release of my anger, hurt and frustration.  I delete it quickly before anyone hopefully has a chance to read it, usually within the day or so.  Unfortunately the last time I wrote in anger on here before I could delete, the person did read it, for some odd reason he read my blog.  Regardless,  I wrote it, I will pay the cost I am not making excuses.  For the public writing I am sorry.  I deserve the punishment.   

In May, I got a call telling me that my uncle was sick and had been admitted into the hospital.  4 days later I was told he was in a coma.  2 days later I was told I needed to come to Florida.  A week later I received another call saying he was gone.   Again, I made the trip to Florida, this time for his funeral. 

On Tuesday night, I emailed my old friend and asked him if we could talk.  This time, for the first time that he has ever just pushed me away (and God knows there has been plenty of times) he said we had nothing to talk about.  This time  he at least I know why he wouldnt talk to me.  For that I am thankful.  All the other times in the past I was left wondering what I did, he would always tell me "it is not you"  this time he told me what I had done.  Thank you to him.     I can no longer turn to him when I have something on my mind, We will no longer have our flirty little chats, No longer will he inspire my ditzy little poems or my monster crochet projects , I no longer have him to laugh with till wee hours of the mornng, I no longer have you Yogi and for this  my heart truly does feel an emptiness, but I gotta say, with everything I have been through and the loved ones I have lost, I am sure I will get through this ok.